That First Date
You are getting ready to meet that handsome guy you met online or through a close friend for that all important first date.
Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself:
“Will he like me? What should I wear? Does my breath smell? Is my muffin-top showing?”
Seriously, going on a first date can be a bit of a challenge. This is particularly true for gay men who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time.
After consulting with a number of gay men who were formerly single and now long-term partnered … plus a few therapists who specialize in couples counseling at 2nd Story Counseling in Chicago, Mister Hollywood is ready to share some gay dating tips.
10 Red Flags for Gay Men on a First Date
What follows is a list of 10 “Red Flags” for gay men on a first date that should be thought of as potential warning signs that the guy may not be a good fit for you. Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive.
Disclaimer: Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone. Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules.
1. He just got out of a long term relationship
This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. In gay years the phrase “long term” can often differ from straight folks. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best. As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take.
What is important is this – the amount of time he has been out of his same sex relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market six months after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. And if he still lives with his ex and is claiming, “We still live together but are not in a relationship” or anything like that, you need to run.
Here are some more tips under this point:
He says you remind him of his “ex” several times during first date
He talks about his ex the entire date or calls you by his ex’s first name (run!)
He tells you he wants a serious relationship (remember, he just broke up)
He is just coming on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple.
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